July 6, 2012

Bankstone Needs You! More importantly, YAA – a life saving charity – Needs You! This weekend’s inaugural subaquatic Medieval Monkeys charity round-yorkshire monkey bike marathon is currently without a volunteer for the role of navigator – without which we will all be getting even more lost than usual. So this is serious!

Despite chief monkey Dickon Tysoe having sent out a detailed job description stressing how ridiculously easy a role it is (see below), no one has yet come forward. This is a role – let us stress – than involves nothing more taxing than sitting in the lead car in the dry staring fitfully a laptop on your lap as two coloured lines on an on-screen map gradually but inexorably diverge, whilst muttering things like “oh, hang on”, “was that the turning we just passed”, and “could you just slow down a moment.” Nothing to it – and you’ll be in the dry.

Mr Tysoe’s guide to navigating:

The applicant needs to have the following attributes:

  • Advanced IT literacy with preferably previous experience of Microsoft Autoroute.  The route is pre-planned and the navigator will be using a GPS equipped laptop to provide verbal instructions to the highly skilled lead car driver.
  • Robust interpersonal skills.  The highly skilled lead car driver needs handling with kid gloves to get the best out of him. His other sexual fetishes involve limp celery and an egg whisk.
  • The patience of a primary school teacher as you will be responsible for leading a class sized collection of juveniles around God’s own county whilst also attending to their requirements for fuel, food and restroom stops.
  • The reactions of a fighter pilot to co-ordinate the sensory overload of visual, aural and even olfactory (if the highly skilled lead car driver has had his customary Friday night curry) stimuli whilst providing concise directions.
  • A working knowledge of 1970s progressive rock music, current horse and pony livery costs, surfing, campanology, lap dancing, and the latest musical output of Peter Andre in order to be able to engage fully in the in car conversation.

See – nothing to it!

Here’s where the Medieval Monkey convoy would have been going if we had a navigator (see below) for full, lavishly illustrated details of the 10-stop itinerary click here.



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