December 15, 2014

Having never previously seen the point of kitchen tables, Bankstone News is having a bit of a re-think.

Now, there’s not a lot of room for a table in the Bankstone News kitchen. What there is is mostly occupied by a half-dozen 5ft high cellophane wrapped pallet stacks of:

a) vintage 1980s Kestrel lager (a beer of which, perhaps oddly for a product named after a creature with a beak, rather than teeth, the admen used to claim “It bites”, although in ad-land, of course, cows are chaps and meerkats speak with Russian accents), and

b) bulk bought budget baked beans (in case of societal breakdown, broken leg, zombie apocalypse or whatever).

But it looks like we’ve been missing a trick, having this week learned that a humble kitchen table enabled employee, GioCompario founder, in demand DJ, and glamour model Hayley Parsnips to turn a few lousy quid into a multimillion fortune in less time than it took the world to forget that X Factor winners Steve Brookstein and Leon Jackson had ever existed.

Ms Parsnips (whom Bankstone News has always really admired and who would be more than welcome to drop round any time for a beer, some beans, and a friendly no-obligation chat about a very exciting business/charity investment opportunity we’d be willing to cut her in on), has this week reportedly netted the best part of £50m for her share of the Compario empire, for which insurance giant Esher recently swooped (something, incidentally, that a Kestrel can do).

Never let it be said that Bankstone News is afraid of hard work. We’re now dedicating our every waking hour (i.e. when we’re not writing this) to working our way through the lager and beans to clear space for a brand new ÄNGSÖ kitchen table, at which we’re planning to stare for as long as it takes inspiration to strike, breaking off only very occasionally to contemplate the poster of Ms Parsnips (pictured below) now gaffer-taped to the teabag-stained wall above the Belling for ‘inspirational’ purposes.

It’s blustery work, but we’re sticking at it.


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