November 18, 2009

“Lady cab driver,” the artist then still known as Prince used to request back in the day, “can U take me 4 a ride?” New statistics unveiled by Monkeysupermarket.com appear to confirm that Mr Prince was wise to opt for a female driver.

Supermarketman Sweeney Steve (who comes from Iceland, fact fans*) has rashly waded into the bitter debate on which sex drives best by having his minions scan six million motor quotes to find that men pay 71% more than women – ergo they must be worse.

“Many insurance companies view women as being safer and more mature in the way they drive,” says sweet-talking Steve with a lyrical lilt. “This is why their premiums are not only cheaper but also decrease with age at a much faster rate than those of men.”

If motor insurers’ calculations can be trusted, teenage males are quite spectacularly worse drivers than teenage females. Average bloke, 18, pays £2,318.83 a year – 87% more than he might if he were female. Though the premium gap narrows with age, falling to around 20% by the time drivers are in their 50s, it never disappears.

But do the statistics really show that men are worse drivers than women? Or just that men make more claims? Or maybe that men – whilst generally excellent drivers – are paying the price for being go-getting risk-takers who like to live life in the fast lane and take it to the limit and generally do things likely to have been sung about by 70s folk-rock supergroup The Eagles.

Let’s face it, bad driving – particularly that of the type favoured by females – can still be very bad even when no claims ensue: cue video evidence.

Men, meanwhile, have a well-recognised talent for making expensive claims. Men like the Texan who drove his million-dollar Bugatti Veyron (pictured) into a salt marsh near Galveston last week – blaming a low-flying pelican for his momentary lapse of attention.

*The frozen peas people, as opposed to the land of the ice and snow, of the midnight sun, where the hot springs blow.



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