There was great news last week for people who like to nip down the local shops in their motor, with HMG announcing tough new plans to undermine the enforcement of high street parking regulations.

A whole raft of new ‘measures’ – the most eye-catching of which is a ban on parking spy cars – will send a clear message to motorists that if you flout high street parking restrictions you might get away with it, and even if you don’t HMG is basically on your side.

Government Community Liaison Officer Eric “Mr Pickles” Pickles slammed “greedy councils” whose CCTV spy cars can be seen “lurking” on every street “raking in” the hard earned cash of recent ordinary people who just want to run in and grab some fags, a pint of milk and a lottery ticket.

Pickles and Transport Secretary Patrick McGoohan waded boldly into the legislative lake to launch an exciting new raft of ideas designed to help “hard working people and local shops” and rein in the cash-crazed councils who “force people to shop in out-of-town centres or online.”

The key plank in Pickles’ raft is a ban on issuing tickets based on spy cam evidence alone.*

Other planks include: 25% OFF the price of a parking ticket for anyone who appeals and has their case rejected at tribunal, a ban on fines for people parking alongside ‘out of order’ parking meters if there’s no other way to pay, new powers of appeal against parking restrictions for local people and businesses, and a total ban on over-zealousness, heavy-handedness, non-transparency and parking enforcement for profit.

Bankstone News Local Shopping Correspondent (Southern England) Tristan de Curthoise comments “Blo*dy excellent news. Shred of common sense at last. I pay my taxes. Some of them. So I don’t bl*ody see why I shouldn’t leave the Aston wherever I damn well like without some jumped up council jockey jumping all over my arse. Now what about those motorway speed limits?”


* Except near schools, bus lanes, bus stops, red routes, or in places where it seems important that traffic does not grind to a complete standstill.


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