Do not obstruct the Porthole, please

January 8, 2020

There’s a common misapprehension among the twittering classes that ordinary working folk are as obsessed as they are with something called ‘access to justice.’ Sorry if this comes as a shock to bleeding-heart metropolitan liberals, but accessing justice is just about the last thing on the minds of decent ordinary Brits.

How dispiriting then to hear Daryl Gordon, self-styled president of Ambulance Pursuit Iniquity Lawyers (APIL) moaning on about how activation of the so-called Porthole (a key part of HMG’s War on Whiplash) should be delayed – because ‘it raises real issues in terms of access to justice.’

For those of you who haven’t been paying attention, the ‘Porthole’ is a special kind of digital thingamajig into which people can put whiplash claims and, if they’re lucky, get some money out the other end. 

Time and again the British people have made it clear that it’s cheap car insurance they’re interested in – not this nebulous ‘access to justice’ that self-serving lawyers are so worked up about. But greedy legal types like Gordon just aren’t getting the message.

“If the reforms are going ahead,” he says (note that treacherous kicking-and-screaming ‘if’), “it has to be in a proper and considered manner’. Presumably the ‘proper and considered’ thing to do would be to stroke our chins indefinitely while every jumped-up nobody with a soft-tissue injury gets to fill their boots at the expense of decent ordinary motorists.

Taking system-playing lawyers out of the equation and forcing would-be whiplash weaponisers to post any claims they want to make though the Porthole will cut costs, deter casual chancers, and frighten off the faint-hearted.

Gordon questions patronisingly whether ‘lay people’ will be able to operate the Porthole’s ‘complex software’ and insists they’ll need advice. That’ll be advice his members would get paid to provide, presumably! If dozy punters don’t know how to work the Porthole – so much the better. That’s cheaper premiums for the rest of us!

So put a sock in it, you Whingeing Windbag! That’s what we say here at Bankstone News. No-one’s going to miss your unaffordable legal-advice-for-all socialist utopia. So sling your nasty hook and, frankly, do one Dearie! 


Black Box Friday

January 7, 2020

Every Friday in the UK 90 people are killed or injured in road accidents taking place between 4pm and 6pm. That’s twice the paltry 45 people killed or injured between 4pm and 6pm on Mondays. Friday night drive time is the deadliest time of the week. And Friday mornings aren’t much better. The moral of the story maybe being: five-day weeks do not suit drivers.

But, wait, you’re probably thinking, did you just make up those stats? How dare you! Bankstone News is a bona fide upstanding news organ. Would we just make things up?! We know about the Friday evening peak death period because some highly reputable PR types have scooped up a slew of black box data accessible to some outfit called IBS Telematics Solutions and done some extrapolation. 

Plus they’ve nicked that figure about about 4-6 RTAs from the Department for Transportmentation. According to IBS’ BB data, the very most dangerous time is precisely 4pm on Fridays. So it’s those nipping off early you should shun above all others. Unless, of course, it’s not commuters after all but yummy mummies frazzled from a week of solo-childcare and/or a weekly lunch date with the girls.

Far be it from Bankstone News, however, to indulge any protracted bout of casual sexism. Ours simply to rework someone else’s press release, to stretch it out to three or four paragraphs and then to sign off with some apparently pithy but ultimately meaningless summation like: it only goes to show, really, doesn’t it!


2019 : When will we see another year its equal!

December 23, 2019

What a year 2019 was! We had Brexit, and Brexit, and Brexit, and who knows what else besides. We won’t see another year like that in a hurry!

No, indeedy! 2020’s sure to be a whole different kettle of fish. Apart from anything, we won’t have Brexit anymore – because that’ll be done by the end of January, with the very word officially retired from that date onwards. So we’ll just have to talk about something else.

But before we rush ahead and look at what the remainder of the coming twelvemonth has in store. Let’s take one last fond look back at some of the things that happened in 2019 that weren’t Brexit.

For one thing, there was Munching Monkeys, an event in which, please be assured, no monkeys were munched, nibbled or otherwise eaten (not even their brains), but in which a multitude of miniature motorcycles were ridden round Yorkshire for lifesaving charity Yorkshire Air Ambulance (YAA).

Also there was the latest annual instalment of the epic clash of karts that is Insurance Endurance 2019. What a day that was! Who could forget a day like that! And, even if they had, could they not easily refresh their memories by reading all about it all over again right here!

And that wasn’t all! There was also the heartcockle-warming sight of Bankstone top dog Dickie Tyzer raising aloft a trophy recognising excellence in fundraising, awarded by the very same YAA alluded to above.

To clinch this much-prized gonglet, Tyzer not only rode endless miles up hill and down dale on a very small motorcycle, but also endured endless hours of corporate golf, Yellow Yorkshireness and horse-racing hospitality to boot. Worthy winning at its unapologetic best!

How could 2020 follow a year like that? Surely only by promising such delights as the return of the insurance industry’s premier corporate karting event. Insurance Endurance 2020 takes place at the locally renowned PFI Racetrack on Thursday 18th June. And, to be honest, you’d better book now if you don’t want to risk missing out.

If that’s not enough to convince you that 2020 will be one hell of a year. There’s also the prospect of MORE monkeybike madness when [yet to be named, but the word monkey will be in there somewhere, as may very well be the word pub, or some synonym thereof] returns to the desolate wilds of supposedly scenic Jorviksområde on the 4th and 5th July. Again if you’d like to be involved, applying early is highly recommended. Your best bet on this one is to contact expedition leader Commander Dick ‘Dickie’ Tyzer directly by email.

So another great year is ‘getting underway’, as they say on the BBC.. In the meantime here’s hoping you’ve had the very merriest of Christmases and New Yearses, with much love from all of our extensive team here at Bankstone News!

 


You’re not from round here, are you

December 23, 2019

It’s time we talked about the Equality Act.

Odds are you’ve never really given much thought to the (so-called) Equality Act. That’s probably because you’re a decent upstanding normal citizen who’s perfectly equal already. Never for one second would someone like you go begging to the Nanny State to make you any equaler.

Sadly, there are some still resident in this increasingly great country of ours who are hell bent on doing exactly that. A prime example of this phenomenon recently came to Bankstone News’ attention after lefty rag the Telegraph pointed out that ‘big brand’ motor insurers are charging people who were (ahem) ‘born abroad’ up to £850 more for their motor insurance.

Those of us not born yesterday know perfectly well that, nine times out of ten, ‘people born abroad’ is just a polite way of saying ‘foreigners’. And what exactly is wrong with making Johnny Foreigner pay a bit more for his motor insurance – especially if it keeps prices down for the rest of us?!

But, inevitably, trouble-making lawyers have wasted no time trying to make out that ‘PBA weighting’ is some kind of crime. John Halfords of Blindman’s Solicitors claims that slapping price-comparing overseasers with a modest premium uplift amounts to a breach of equality laws.

The aforementioned Equality Act supposedly makes it unlawful to ‘discriminate’ against someone – even a foreigner – because of their nationality or national origins, which are (get this!) ‘among the legally-defined protected characteristics of race.’

This is PC gone mad. This is Sheila’s Wheels all over again. If underwriters can’t discriminate – then what on earth’s the point of having them! Can it really be right, in this day and age, to hedge insurers in with soul-destroying thickets of unproductive, frankly antidemocratic, legal quibbling?

Sorry, but if PBAs don’t want to pay what they’re quoted, they can go drive somewhere else.




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