June 13, 2013

If you want the real story, Bankstone News, has always firmly believed, you can hardly do better than consult the Daily Star – especially if you want the real story about celebrity love lives, wardrobe malfunctions and the like.

In our never ending weekly quest to bring you the very hottest motor insurance news stories – plus any other nonsense that happens to catch our eye – we chanced upon a fascinating story concerning ‘motor insurance myths’.

Now let us accept from the outset, Dear Reader, that, whilst to you or I, a myth may be an ancient or traditional story intended to explain or elucidate some otherwise mysterious aspect of nature or the human condition, a myth to many foolish people means simply an untrue thing widely accepted as being true. This is probably a careless conflation with the similar, but importantly different, concept of religion. Let that be as it may. Suffice to say in the present instance that the matter of our current narrative relates, not to myth in its proper sense, but to widely believed b*llocks.

“In an ideal world”, the article begins evocatively, “car insurance would be simple and we’d all understand it.” Better yet, it would be entirely unnecessary, Bankstone News cannot help thinking, since misfortunes would never befall us or our vehicles in this ideal world. Indeed, quite conceivably, we should not have motor cars, but have sprouted wings of some kind, the better to participate in our own perpetual apotheoses. But enough of such fanciful conjecture. Let us persist in entertaining this fascinating story on its own terms.

“In reality,” it continues ruefully, “that isn’t necessarily the case.” Not necessarily? In Bankstone News’ experience motor insurance has never once seemed remotely simple or comprehensible. Bankstone News has been trying and failing manfully for years to understand the first bl••dy thing about insurance – and still none of it makes any sense. Not even on the rare occasions when Bankstone News is sober.

“When looking to sign up to a new policy,” the Daily Star article suggests, “or retrieve your motor insurance quote online, it isn’t always a simple process.” Hang on a minute! This isn’t the usual impartial and high minded investigative journalism Bankstone News has come to expect from the Daily Star. This is some kind of ‘*sponsored feature’ (as indeed it says at the bottom in very small writing). A ruse, in other words. A nasty little subterfuge on the part of some gang of charlatans calling themselves Swinton Insurance. Swindleton, more like. What a shameful act of imposture!

Imagine: here was Bankstone all ready to reassure you that there was simply no truth in the idea that the colour of your car would affect your premium, or that newer cars are more expensive to insure, or that you won’t be able to get car insurance because you have a criminal conviction etc. etc. when all along the article in question was nothing more than a grubby little vehicle for sackful of hyperlinked phrases like “When looking for cheap car insurance quotes from Swinton.co.uk for example, always check how different cars can affect your premium.”

Bankstone News can only apologise for wasting your time with this pernicious bilge and will be sure to redouble its guard against such insidious piffle in future!

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