February 3, 2012

How very disappointing! Just when Bankstone News had concluded that those erstwhile sex-crazed delinquents of the insurance advertising world Professional Insurance Agents (PIA) had turned over a new and wholesome leaf (see previous story), they’re back on the inside front cover of Insurance Times, no less, with a distinctly salacious ad featuring some haughty peroxide blonde in a needlessly skimpy and clingy white dress.

Or rather, they’re back in the guise of something called SMARTYAPPS, attempting to trade on the unwholesome urge to glimpse the naked underparts of Basic Instinct star Sharon Stone that led to countless misspent hours of VCR shuffling back in the 90s.

Confusingly, from what little sense Bankstone News can make of the whole farago, SMARTYAPPS is not a product aimed at children (suggesting that the less kindergarten-friendly Smartapps.co.uk domain was already spoken for), but an offer to make use of the skills of PIA’s “in house experts with full knowledge of the internet, web development and software programming” to get your insurance products turned into smartphone apps (or possibly smartyphone apps, who knows).

As a refreshing counterbalance to this cynical objectification of women, however, this week’s Insurance Times also introduced a generous serving of masculine homoeroticism in the shape of an ad from insurancecarhire.co.uk. This features a musclebound young medallion man in skimpy black briefs, adopting the step-one stance for the chicken dance, accompanied by the promise “Brokers, we’ve got a little package to offer you.”

Not sure they’ve done their market research that thoroughly.


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