Police in Cumbria have had enough. This Wednesday, with roads slippery after overnight rain followed by an early morning freeze, they had to deal with 60 collisions in a single morning. “The roads may only look wet,” a policeperson warned, “but many are covered in black ice.”

Sick of clearing up after all these idiots skidding around all over the place, ploughing through hedges, ditches etc, Cumbria cops have some sternly worded advice for those driving in sub-zero temperatures: “Slow down and drive with extreme caution. Give yourself plenty of room to stop

and be very careful when approaching bends, hills and junctions.”

But apparently black ice may not be the most dangerous cold-weather hazard motorists face. An expert commented: “Will it ever stop? Yo I don’t know, Turn off the lights and I’ll glow, To the extreme I rock the mic like a vandal, Light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle, Dance – go rush to the speaker that booms, I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom.”

Yo, Bankstone News readers, you know not to mess with Vanilla Ice Cream, or whatever his name was.


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