Bankstone Chief Executive, Chairman and Honorary Founder Life President De’Khan “Dix” Tyson is not a man to blow his own trumpet, not, at any rate, since he was forced to abandon youthful dreams of Olga Cornet/Nadia Communist style gymnastic superstardom in the wake of a freak unicycle accident in his later teens.

But the blinding intensity of the man’s modesty must not be allowed to obscure the key role Tystone played in the Conservative Party’s recent unexpected poll triumph. When most UK business leaders want to talk to top tory David Cameroon, they have to phone for an appointment or something. Not so Dix Tysun, he just suggested that the PM might want to pop in for a chat and a biscuit, and, lo, it came to pass.

Happy as Tysot would be no doubt be to allow Conservative spin doctor Lynford Christie to hog the plaudits, you should know, Dear Reader that without the priceless words of advice handed out by Mr T to Davie C in the course of an informal summit in the Bankstone man’s home town of Addlinghamtonby, W Yorks, we might even now be labouring under the tyranny of evil Scots super-bitch Nicolas Surgeon, ruling through spineless puppet figurehead Ed Millipede.

Tyson it was, not Christie, who suggested the genius idea of terrifying the nation’s voters with the prospect of foreigners being allowed to tell true Brits what to do on their own soil, a strategy that has since proved so monumentally effective that someone will probably want to commission one of those £30k engraved stone thingies to commemorate it.

Dix would probably deny it all if you asked him, but the photo reproduced below clearly tells a different story.


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