February 12, 2010

“It’s as if you’ve come to some sort of black hole for cars,” Judith Ainsworth told The Daily Telegraph. The hole in question is, of course, the so-called Windermere Triangle, scene of endless inexplicable electronic car lock weirdness.

Motorists in the infamous Lake District town have experienced a succession of eerie key fob malfunctions. “There’s no logic to it,” said Anthony Dean, proprietor of the local off licence. “It can happen any time of day or night – and to any type of car.”

“I’ve tried to help scores of motorists,” he told the paper. “Then one day, whilst I was struggling with a woman’s fob, the traffic lights changed colour and her car doors sprung open as if a ghost had unlocked them.”

“I have a Renault Megane,” boasted the abovementioned Judith Ainsworth shamelessly. “The other day I tried to lock it, and all four windows came down instead.”

Some locals suspect recently installed traffic lights may be to blame, but “town centre manager” Paul Holdsworth is having none of it: “Traffic light experts have assured us that changing from red to green cannot affect car locks. If they did people would be being locked out all over Britain.”

And who could question the flawless logic of this eloquent utterance?

So if it wasn’t the traffic lights wot dunnit…

Bankstone News humbly believes it may be able to shed some light. The Telegraph article notes in passing that a local automotive parts dealer has been doing a roaring trade in replacement key fob batteries.

Need we say more!


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