If you thought straight bananas were the worst thing EU lawmakers have ever inflicted on decent bent-fruit-loving Brits, prepare to think again. Leading tabloid newspaper The Sun this week exclusively revealed that Bonkers Brussels Bureaucrats are plotting to destroy the UK motor insurance market by forcing us all to insure our ride-on lawnmowers!

It’s all the fault of something called the Motor Insurance Directive which directs that all EU citizens must insure anything they own that has wheels and a motor (and is big enough to sit on) through a motor insurance policy. That means lawnmowers, off-road quad bikes, golf buggies, mobility scooters, electric wheelchairs and so-called novelty moto-trolleys.

And it’s all because some Slovenian bloke called Stevie Vnuks got knocked off a ladder by a tractor bowling carelessly by, and found he had no-one to sue. That won’t do, thought, meddlesome Eurocranks who immediately began plotting to unleash the aforementioned dodgy directive. Daylight ruddy lunacy is what it is!

But, according to The Sun, it’s actually even worse that that. Not only does the requirement for compulsory motor insurance encompass all those things mentioned above, it also includes vehicles used in motor sports competitions. What?! That’s what you probably just sputtered, spraying the shagpile with partially-chewed spittle-flecked Frazzles fragments.

Imagine the premiums someone like Lewis “Ladeez” Hamilton would have to pay for F1TPFT – even with telematics or whatever. No, it’s clearly unworkable, and just goes to show that foreigners really are completely wrong about everything. Even though the new directive could generate billions in premiums, insurers are patriotically urging government to just say no to this crazy new law.

As things stand, Brexit (whenever we finally get through whatever multi-year transitional deal we end up with) will come too late to save us from this Eurolegislative madness. Our only hope now is that someone in Brussels will clarify that motor insurance is only required under MID (MAD more like!) for lawnmowers etc. when they’re on the public highway.

Best not hold your breath, Folks!


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