On much the same basis as that on which Groucho Marx famously expressed an implacable resistance to becoming a member of any club sufficiently indiscriminate to accept him as a member, Bankstone bigwig Dickon Teashop has long harboured grave misgivings over working for a company of which he himself is a director.

Imagine his excitement, then, when an alternative to this questionable choice of employer appeared to present itself this week when Mr T noticed that the retail team at Gallaghers seems to be moving towards a policy of employing only those whose names share an approximate phonetic resemblance.

Take a look at role call for the team’s recent staff outing to Margate and you may perhaps notice something of a pattern yourself: Chairman John Durkin, CEO Janeece Deakin, National Broker and Pie Meat Manager Declan Durkan, Chief Filing Clerk Dagobert Dookin, etc. etc. The congruence is pretty clear, Bankstone News suspects you will concur.

Sadly, however, when an excited Mr T, called HR Director Jazeldalene Daka’an to “put out some feelers” he was told, in what seemed an unnecessarily abrupt manner, that the ‘similar names’ recruitment policy operates strictly on a surname basis and that having Dickon for a first name in no way compensated for his completely unsuitable surname, and that this (along, no doubt, with a host of other deficiencies into which Daka’an could, frankly, not be bothered to enquire) meant DT would be well advised to get off the line immediately – and never call again.




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