April 1, 2011

A new motor insurer claims it can save motorists up to 50% on their premiums… by casting their horoscopes! Along with all the usual questions, starcarsdirect’s online application process asks motorists to specify their precise time and place of birth and calculates a premium that reflects their astrological profile.

Starcarsdirect founder Peter North says the firm’s own research has shown that drivers with the right astrological profile are “up to 80% less likely to make claims than the general population” and “should be given due credit for their more attractive risk profile.”

“It may sound a bit ‘new age,’” North concedes, “but we have been over and over this, and the statistics really do check out. It’s nothing as simple as Geminis being better risks than Pisces. It’s down to the exact hour of your birth and what was going on in the heavens at that time.”

North’s fellow director Ronald Jeremy adds: “Obviously we can’t promise everyone who visits Starcarsdirect.com will be offered a lower premium, but we believe we can offer a significantly better deal to around a third of drivers.”

Thomas Byron of popular fortune-telling magazine New Astrology comments: “People have known for many centuries that you can predict a great deal about a person from their natal chart. Frankly, I am only surprised it’s taken this long for insurance companies to make practical use of this ancient knowledge.”

Bankstone News attempted to try out the Starcars site earlier, but it kept crashing (overwhelmed by demand, their helpline claimed), so we went down the Bingo instead.


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