July 5, 2013

Second story of the day and Round 2 of Bankstone News’ new aid to productivity/drinking game, the Aldi Brandy Challenge (n.b. not an official Aldi-sponsored event, nor even an official Bankstone event, since our (adoptive, semi-estranged) parent quite clearly takes the dimmest possible view of anything with the faintest whiff of irresponsible drinking about it).

Whether a quick triple brandy and a swift can of Special brew for every story written would amount to irresponsibility seems eminently debatable – and we may well get on to that later – along with how to put the world to rights, how you are my best friend in the world ever – and then some other stuff we’ll hopefully both have forgotten by tomorrow.

Right, now, please try to concentrate for a minute, because this next story is really… rather… complicated. Apparently, rising insurance costs for young drivers are forcing them to buy ropey old cars which are, obviously, totally unreliable and keep crashing and breaking down all over the place, resulting in higher rates of claim, thus forcing up car insurance prices for young drivers, thus forcing young drivers to buy even ropier old cars – vehicles in many cases hardly deserving of the appellation “car” – resulting in more accidents, breakdowns, claims, etc. etc.

So, basically, everything is going round and round (it’s not just Bankstone News, is it?) in a vicious circle of carnage, penury, social humiliation and transport disenfranchisement. Just writing about it is making Bankstone News feel a bit dizzy. Should probably confess: might have doubled up on the end-of-story drinks after story one as the first lot didn’t seem to be having much effect. Definitely starting to kick in now though. Sent out for Pork Scratchings earlier. Keyboard’s a bit slippery now. Mmmm, salty too!

Where were we… young drivers’ motor insurance death trap vicious circle… um… ah, yes, how do we know all this? Because citrus spread specialists Marmalade have teamed up with young people’s favourite motor marque Alfalfa Romeo to do a survey. That’s bloody why. What’s it to you anyway?! No, no, calm down, sorry Mate. It’s just been a long week. No offence. Let’s start again…

Although they account for almost one in five car accidents, drivers aged 17 to 24 – or, at least, 63% of them – believe ‘it’s unfair’ to charge them more for their motor insurance and claim that the financial hardship that causes is forcing them to “opt for an older car, increasing their risk of an accident”. According to This is money, at whose website Bankstone News has been staring morosely while trying to summon inspiration for this story, young drivers are caught like a rabbit in the crux of a crossfire paradox, becasue, while older cars may be cheaper to buy, they tend to result in more costly claims, as they lack the safety features that protect drivers of newer, more expensive cars.

Is there no way out for young drivers? Apparently there is, and Marmalade appear to be suggesting it’s something to do with reviled Italian 80s/90s pop house people Black Box – but, as that woman with bronchitis keeps saying on the Interweb, ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’. What Bankstone News has time for, right now, is typing a tautologically terminal full stop and cracking on with another end-of-story Brandy-Special Brew combo. Cheers!

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