October 11, 2013

There was reassuring news on road safety this week as a survey carried out by Direct Lime and some charity revealed that 99% of Britain’s drivers are at least as safe as the average driver.

Yes, all but 1% of the UK’s driving population personally confirmed to Direct Lie’s researchers that they are average or better on safety, and a mere 1% warned they might be a tad unsafer.

With a driving population this safe, we can surely afford to take a few minor liberties with the letter of the laws of the road. That’s probably why 68% of drivers admit flouting traffic regulations.

Predictably, road safety charity Brakes are getting themselves all in a tizz over this. “It is deeply concerning so many drivers break vital traffic laws, yet still believe they are safe,” moans Brakes deputy chief exec Julie Handtowels, branding Britain’s disproportionately safe drivers complacent and deluded.

Now Brakes and Direct Lino are urging the government to crack down on ‘not as safe as they think they are’ drivers and want everyone to sign some stupid pledge to stay ‘safe and legal’. Where’s the fun in that, Britain’s super-safe drivers will probably be wondering.

Equally reassuring was the news, also this week, that white van drivers really aren’t so bad after all. No, the real problem is ‘perk drivers’ who – according to exciting new research from Dutch fleet management company LeasePram (they of the catchy catchphrase ‘It’s easier to LeasePram’) – are the ones who, to put it politely, “need help”.

The massive £291 accident costs per head racked up by the dreaded ‘perk drivers’ puts the unfairly maligned whiter-then-white van drivers’ measly £182 firmly in the shade.

And what, you may ask, is a ‘perk driver’?

Seriously? If you don’t know, there’s really no point Bankstone News’ even attempting to explain.

It’s nothing to do with anything pervy, by the way.

We’re fairly sure about that.

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