October 21, 2011

Newly commissioned Met Police Commissioner Bernie “Hulk” Horgan-Howe, has announced his arrival in no uncertain terms by scooping several hundred uninsured motors up off the streets of the capital, crushing them and then making an exciting-and-provocative-work-of-art style pile of them in the middle of London’s famous Horse Guards beach-volley arena with his mate Boris “Bo-Jo” Johnson.

A thousand officers took time off filling in forms to pounce on any unsuspecting villains unfortunate enough to stray within the sights of their state-of-the-art number plate recognition devices. Among the vehicles stopped and impounded was one white van stolen only minutes before.

“We know from experience that approximately 80% of uninsured drivers are criminals,” Ho-Ho noted, which clearly explains why rounding up 300 uninsured vehicles resulted in 54 arrests (for crimes including possession of an offensive weapon, drugs, driving whilst disqualified, and taking and driving away a motor vehicle).

Presumably the other 186 uninsured criminals were either not in their vehicles at the time when they were stopped, or leapt out, pulled the driver from another car, and sped off Grand Theft Auto style.

“Operation Reclaim is designed, quite literally,” Bo-Jo added, “to deliver a crushing blow against crime. Criminals are being given the opportunity to come and collect theirs cars and face arrest or simply watch their vehicles get crushed.”

Hmmm… tough choice that!


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