Episode 5 of Broke Apprentice 2016 sees the six contenders “saying goodbye to their team allegiances”. This is probably just as well, since most of them have already said goodbye to whichever team they started out in. Instead, we now see them going literally head to head as they each spend ten minutes “and ten minutes only” pitching their harebrained scheme “ideas” to the Elvy triumvirate of Mike, Mike and Eros.

First up is a “quite excited” Jonathan who tries to woo the Elvy trio with his plan to target the mass motor market by getting big employers to “attach motor fleet insurance to their select benefits programmes”. Having wowed the judges with an infographic clearly demonstrating that some UK-based companies employ quite a lot of people, he explains that you could use driver age and engine size to fine tune ratings. Next!

Up next is Shamone who claims he’s pretty confident (although he does a good job of disguising it) about presenting an idea he’s come up with in collaboration with his ‘director’. Wonder what it is. Let’s hope it’s not fish and chip shops, because, let’s be honest, no one wants to insure fish and chip shops. Oh, no: it is fish and chip shops! Disaster. No amount of reassuring talk about chats had with deep fat range servicing engineers and “fish owners” is going to win those judges over now. Next!

It’s Dean! Surely Dean can do better than chip shops. Actually he can. His claims to have spent lots of time on his presentation seem broadly plausible. Leveraging his current employer’s experience with telematics, he’s pitching something called Uni-Slave, a black-box based motor insurance product for students. Now, students do sound like a more promising niche market than deep fat fryers – and even, possibly, than average drivers in their age bracket. Hmmm…

Francesca says she’s not nervous. Perhaps she should be. With new highlights, and a softer more approachable look all round, Fran attempts to disarm the judges with a low-key chatty powerpoint-free presentation. Have you heard of the Vnuk Ruling she asks, casually. No of course they haven’t. Shame because if they had they wouldn’t feel so foolish – and they could perhaps have explained it to Fran. Oh, well. Is that the best you’ve got, the judges wonder. I won’t lie to you, Frankie, undertakes, I’ve changed my idea many many times, but I just wanted to show you that I’m new to the industry. Mission accomplished, then.

Craig is his usual beamingly positive self. Who could fail to warm to his groundbreaking idea of a cyber insurance add on personal lines product? Without being unnecessarily mysterious or suspenseful about it, the judges could. Next!

Aha: it’s Katie, last but never exactly least. Katie says she is a bit nervous, but she comes armed with an idea that is “niche, necessary and incredibly current”. Sounds good, what is it? Insuring properties let to asylum seekers and refugees. Is there any money in it, the judges query. Well, Katie concedes, echoing Fran’s earlier promise of eschewing outright mendacity: “It’s not incredibly profitable, I’m not going to lie to you.” Plus it’s a market with no future. Once we leave the EU, clearly won’t be any more dodgy foreigners coming in. No undesirables, no scheme!

So there you have it. Six ambitious candidates. Six exclusive schemes. One half-decent idea. Inevitably, Dean wins. How could it possibly have ended any other way? Is it worth coming back for Episode 6 – or should we simply assume the prize is his already?

You decide!


Shamone grapples with an existential crisis


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