The purchase of Leeds-based insurance brokerage Beaumonts by J. Elf Insurance Pastorship is causing great excitement here Up North.

Elf boss Alec Solway claims that bunging Beaumonts and J. Elf together will create a kind of Northern Powerhose “stretching from Manchester to Hull.” En route, the newly fashioned powerhose takes in such diverse locations as Leeds, Bradford, Hoseforth, Donkster and Shrewsbury (Beaumonts), and Leeds, Hull, York and Madchester (J. Elf).

Whilst on the subject of hoses, pipes, tubes and suchlike, Solway insisted that J. Elf, whose ultimate ambition is to become the biggest and bestest insurance broker in the whole wide world, would have no trouble getting Beaumonts down its integration gullet, and that the firm’s acquisition pipeline is “healthy”. Or perhaps, if readers will excuse a seasonal pun, we should say Elfy!

Beaumonts will continue exactly as before, senior figures claimed, only with a new name, J. Elf Beaumont. The firm’s managing director Bland Simon claimed that the sale had been a kind of happy accident. “We were not looking to sell our business he said,” but when the B Boys got talking to the J Elfs it turned out the two crews had a great deal in common.

By an extraordinary coincidence, it seems both companies shared “the same focus on excellent client service and high professional standards.” More extraordinarily still, both harboured a burning desire to furnish their clients with “an exceptional range of high quality products and services”. Clearly it was a match made in heaven. Or in Yorkshire, let’s say, which amounts to much the same thing.

To cut a long story short, Gaumonts and Elf recognised almost immediately in one another the missing other half (front or back, depending on your point of view) of that long sought mythical beast, the insurance broking Northern Powerhorse. From there it was simply a matter of J. Elf borrowing shedloads of cash from Barclays and senior B Boys promising to hang around while they meet some deferred consideration targets, and, Robert is your parent’s sibling: the deal was sealed!

A big day in the North, without a doubt.

A day on which in future Northern Folk will look back saying: “Thus is was the Northern Poorhouse was wrought!”

Or something.



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