Well, that’s the most ridiculous thing Bankstone News has ever heard. New “research” just published by carp leashing firm OSV Ltd claims to show that almost seven out of ten Brits think personalised number plates (pnps) are “tacky”.

With DVLA figures suggesting that around 335,000 pnps were sold in the past 12 months alone, OBVS Ltd reckon pnps are now so common that they are no longer “an essential status symbol”.  The so-called survey reports that “just” 32% of Brits found owners of pnps “impressive”.

Oh, really?! Has it occurred to OVS Ltd that the other 68% might just be putting a brave face on it!

  If you want Bankstone News’ opinion: they’re just jealous. The reason pnps are selling like hot cakes (at ten times the rate they were in the 90s) is precisely because of exactly how impressive they are. We’re telling you, chicks love ‘em! Everbody loves them – even if they’re too bitter and twisted to admit it.

It’s like, a bunch of miserable small minded people tried to tell Bankstone News that gold (or gold-ish) chains, signet rings, and those fancy stripy shirts with the white collars and monogrammed cuffs were tacky. But secretly… just jealous.

They told us imperial purple velvet flocked wallpaper would peel in a bathroom and the gold paint would wear off the fittings – and, OK, they were partly right about that, but mostly there were jealous.

They sneered at our jewel-encrusted Apple-style Watch, sniggered at our reproduction Fendi Peekaboo man bag, tittered over the DG2027Bs we got off eBay. Jealous, jealous, jealous.

Sadly, there will always be people who get their noses all out of joint when someone has a bit of class and style, when they stand up and say ‘Yes, damn it, I am someone a bit special, someone who likes to stand out from the crowd and be their own person, someone who happens to appreciate (and deserve) the quality and prestige of luxury designer goods.’

Jealousy. Jealousy. Nothing but jealousy. So if you want to make your mark with pnps that let the world know you’re an impressive and successful person. Go right ahead and do it – and don’t let the losers drag you down to their pathetic level.

We could go on, but the Bladdersdyke PVC Mouldings van has just pulled up outside with our new portico (see artist’s impression below). If that doesn’t impress the neighbours, nothing will!

Must dash.



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