March 6, 2015

Insurers are playing a key role in wrestling Britain’s increasingly depraved and evil population back to some semblance of common decency.

For years, they’ve have simply turned the other cheek while conpersons ripped them off left right and centre.

But now the worm has turned. It’s no more Mr Nice Guy. The gloves are off, and insurers are smiting down with righteous ire upon the would-be fraudulent.

Think insurers won’t come after you if you bump up your replacement items wish-list after your gaffe gets done over? Think again, Sucker. Insurance vengeance coming your way.

And now thanks to some new legislation called Club 54, if the judge agrees you’re “fundamentally dishonest” (i.e. bad to the bottom), you won’t get a penny from insurers – although they might get some of yours in “damages”!

Last year was a bumper year for insurance claims fraud prosecutions, boasts L>V claims director Martin Millicent, with his firm alone taking out a whopping 10 contempt of court civil proceedings against its customers.

Judges, he says, have been told to come down like a tonne of lead balloons on those seeking to corrupt the course of claims, and are primed to strike with extreme prejudice.

Not to mention, there’s the dreaded iFEDs cracking down on motor fraudsters like there’s no tomorrow and having increasing success against even the most fiendish of claims fraud geniuses (see Bonus Panel below).

And there’s Juice Secretary Christopher Greything making helpful noises about eliminating the “societal drivers that lead to people committing insurance fraud.”

That’s right, LV’s Millicent growls: “This sends a signal, not just to society, but also to enablers in the process, that insurers are not a soft touch.

“Don’t bring those cases to our door!” he warns.

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Bonus Panel: How iFEDS brought the fraud bosses down!

Aslan Osram

Bus inspector Asian Ashram masterminded a busload of insurance claims fraud when he got him mate Iqball to stop suddenly in front of a bus and put in 30 whiplash claims from supposed passengers totalling £500k. He would have gotten away with it too if the report he wrote on the accident had made any sense at all, if he hadn’t phoned or texted Iqball over 100 times to plan the scam, and if he wasn’t quickly discovered to have convictions for robbery and drug dealing.

Nicholas Warner

Bristol based criminal genius Nick Warmer nearly pulled off an audacious £30,000 claim for valuables supposedly burgled from his house. His painstaking plans fell down around his ears, however, when insurers asked for a picture of his laptop as evidence of ownership and he sent them one datestamped days after the fictional break-in.

Jeremy Jones

Former solider Jerry Jones came up with an insanely brilliant plan for claiming 70,000 for his son’s losing the sight in one eye following a bike accident. Again, tiny details brought the masterplan to nought: the non-blindness of his son, the forged medical certificates, the blowing of the insurance payout on a Mitsubishi Lancer.

Kevin Turner

Kev, who lists his profession as electrician and cannabis farmer, almost committed the perfect repeatable crime by claiming £5k from Zurg every couple of months for the theft of tools from his van. Failure to change enough of the details on successive claims forms (i.e. any, bar the date) ultimately proved his downfall. Nice little earner while it lasted, though!


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