February 9, 2012

Insurance Times readers must have been shocked this week to discover that among those working in the hitherto respectable world of the City of London insurance market there are in fact a worryingly large number of dim-witted self-regarding young public school boys.

Suspicions were first raised in March last year when the paper unearthed leaked private email correspondence in which Miller Insurance employee Sebastian Marsh exchanged inappropriate comments whilst at work with a friend concerning the latter’s “hot” blonde former girlfriend and current co-resident in a bijou Fulham flat.

Having established that the filly in question was now up for grabs, Marsh queried his friend’s advice that she came with “a bit of a health warning”. This, the leaked email exchange revealed was because “She massively messed me around, she also messed a few of my mates from uni around. I don’t dislike many people but she is one.” The friend went on however to insist that “she is HOT” and that Marsh should “have a crack.”

It was at this point – when asked for her email address – that the friend made the (public) schoolboy error of checking the hot flatmate’s email address by typing her name into the cc field to prompt an autofill, copying and pasting the result into the body text, but forgetting to delete it as a cc before clicking send.

“I’m in so so so much trouble,” read the Friend’s next email seconds later. “I still live with her. We didn’t get on before, so this will be the final nail in the coffin.” Deciding that his friend’s acute discomfiture was absolutely bloody hilarious, Marsh circulated the correspondence to some other chums, who quickly saw to it that the thing went viral.

This certainly rang alarm bells. But was it perhaps just an isolated incident? Apparently not, it seems, as a Willis employee was this week exposed as a former public schoolboy and apprehended to boot in a bizarre exchange of emails with fellow ex-public school pals on office time and office email systems! James Hill, a terrorism and political violence broker with the giant US broking firm, was identified as “president” of the self-styled “G4” gang and implicated in the planning of a so-called “rugby tour” to Dubai.

The “rules” for this excursion included (obviously) cheating on girlfriends, eschewing “anti-lad behaviour (i.e. calling girlfriends, being nice to random expats)” compulsory “chants about your surrounding environment, being oily and how rich we are,” and “mentioning of parents’ salaries once a day,” as well as the mysterious and possibly sinister “public school boy 10 minutes (collars must be up) at specified 10 minutes past the hour.”

Hill, who is now understood to be being “probed” by his employer described himself in the intercepted missives as “a remarkably good looking individual who is permanently tanned and has an extremely muscular body,” and – along with his fellow G4 members – as being an individual with the “capability to dominate social, political and economical spheres,” skills that will doubtless come in handy in the aftermath of this shocking exposé.

The time has surely come for decent hard-working upstanding people who never send foolish emails when they should be doing insurance-type things to join together and root out the sickening tide of expensively educated email filth that risks dragging the good name of our industry through the mire. Perhaps we should petition messrs Cameron, Osborne and Johnson, who will clearly take a dim view of such hijinks.

An unrelated video posted on YouTube


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