March 14, 2016

Are you a fan of gentlemen with luxurious moustaches, shiny buttons, vintage helmets, and ‘Victorian’ truncheons? Then you could be in luck (see final paragraph below).

In the meantime, with voting due to close in just under four days’ time (at ‘pub time’ on Friday, i.e. roundabout 11am – although it could be later depending on whether we get in to work in time), we have a final round-up for you of all the rival candidates for the hotly contested role of Bankstone News Motoring Correspondent.

They are as follows (for full profiles see recent editions of the journal):

To vote for Steve “Rooster” Cockerel, Brummie with a passion for kebabs and Aston Villa, text COCK to any mobile number of your choice – our unique patent vote-by-text system is not recipient-sensitive!

To vote for Dennis Ardle, dour sociopath with an implacable contempt for virtually everything, text HATE

To vote for Richard Smyke-Bouverie, Stowe and Oxford educated chairman of city brokers Porter Jervis Fleshmast, text DICK

To vote for Carol Voldemort (n.b not that Carol Voldemort), text CLASSYLADY

To vote for Christopher Belgian, Bristol-based sales superhero with a taste for (appropriate) speed, text NITRO

To vote for Bradley Radman, hover luge ace and Fresh Prince of Keighley, text BRADRAD

To vote for Mohammed Khanafani of Bradford based MK Motor Repairs and MK Claims text CLAIM

To vote for Denise Moles, doyenne of the Rastrick theatre scene and prayer net knitter of renown, text HOPE

The winner will be announced at a special ceremony later this month, which we are hoping to hold at the newly opened Bradford Museum of Old Police Stuff. We haven’t actually asked yet, but why would they not want to host such a prestigious event? If you would like to rub shoulders with some of the above named candidates, or perhaps brush up against a mannequin in old school copper gear, individual tickets for the gala presentation tea are available at just £199.99, with Platinum Packages available at just £1,699 including a table for 10 and a goody bag, Super Platinum for £1,799 (includes an extra chair!), and Ultra Super Platinum for £1,899 (including bag, two extra chairs and extra cushions for all your guests!). But hurry: book soon, as places may be limited.

police-museum-staff


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