October 13, 2016

As regular readers will probably recall, Bankstone News recently took delivery of a very swanky Bladdersdyke Palladian 3000 portico to addorn the front facade of Bankstone Towers. Imagine our alarm, then, on reading reports in the press warning “POLICE SEIZE PORCHES”. Surely porches are as quintessentially British an institution as carriage lamps, doilies, toby jugs and horse brasses. Why would the cops be going round snatching porches?!

Reading on, however, Bankstone News learned that along with the PORCHES, the boys in blue have been seizing ROLLS ROYCES, MASERATIS AND BENTLEYS (because no-one had bothered to insure them). Aha! The penny dropped, or the 5p or whatever it is that drops now: they didn’t mean porches, they meant Porsches. It seems the whole misunderstanding originated with a careless headline-monkey in the employ of dog-fronted insurance outfit Churchill, whose press release this story started out as.

Silver-surfing its way between the web-house of the nodding dog and various other sites carrying the same or similar stories, Bankstone News soon found that at least one site – something called YouTalkinSurance had done its best to fix Churchill’s wayward spelling – with sadly mixed results.

POLICE SEIZE PORSCHE’S ROLLS ROYCE’S, MASERATI’S AND BENTLEY’S BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T INSURED, announced YouTalkinSurance’s revised headline, which made up with an astonishing flurry of ‘grocer’s apostrophes’ anything it might have lacked in originality of reinvention. In honour of YouTalkinSurance’s new improved orthography, Bankstone New’s will, for the remainder of this article be adopting the same convention’s.

It seem’s that more than 22,594 vehicle’s (including 52 Porsche’s, 11 Ferrari’s, six Bentley’s and four Maserati’s) have been seized in 2016 by the rozzer’s in England and Wale’s because the driver’s were not insured or did not have valid licence’s. Not to mention: 2,117 BMW’s. What is it with BMW driver’s and motor insurance? Seem’s the two just can’t get along.

Steve Barrett of Churchill say’s decent ordinary motorist’s are paying extra because of “the million driver’s on our road’s who choose to drive uninsured car’s.” Warming, indeed positively overheating to his theme, a maddened and enraged Steve say’s the fact that uninsured motorist’s with luxury car’s worth hundred’s of thousand’s of pound’s seem to think “that their bank balance elevate’s them above the law, is maddeningly unjust and selfish beyond measure.”

You tell ‘em, Steve.

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