June 19, 2017

Place two or more people in a car and what do you get? An argument is probably what.

That’s according to an in-depth statistical study carried out by freshly re-vindicated research organisation YouGove on behalf of some geezer styling himself The Motor Ombudsman (whatever one of those is when it’s at home!)

Basically, if you’re in a car and you’re not driving it, and some insight or intuition comes into your head about how that vehicle might be better or more efficaciously handled or directed, shut it, you muppet! Nobody cares what you think. Least of all your driver, who’d be well within their rights inviting you to step our of the vehicle and make your own way on foot.

According to respondents quizzed by YouGoat, nearly two-fifths (38%) of drivers ‘deem the unwanted comments of back-seat drivers to be the main cause of in-car arguments’.

But it’s not just smart-arse comments from people who think they could do better that p*ss drivers off.

Children “shouting crying and fighting” are the second most aggravating in-car thing, while passengers touching knobs or buttons or dials or whatever come in at three, and passengers insisting on coming into the garage with you, buying a pasty or something and then tucking the crumby wrapper in the door pocket are also pretty blo*min’ annoying as well.

The Motor Ombudsman (real name Bill Funnel) says it’s just like that Jean-Paul Sartre said, isn’t it, the hell is the other people. Going on holiday might seem like a good idea in theory, but when you have multiple humans “confined to a small space on a long journey” it can easily “cause tension in the car.”

Bill’s hot tip for easing the hellishness of such situations is as follows: “it is important for all parties involved to take the time to try to conclude any issues in a cool and constructive way to help prevent the problems from re-occurring.’

Or you could just tell those annoying little fancies to “Get the h*ll out of my car!” and never speak to them again, unless you’re worried about people calling you a bad parent or reporting you to social services or something.


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