February 9, 2015

Fresh fears have been raised that strangely named foreign-owned insurance firm Ageas is secretly in league with the Devil. Rumours have surfaced on several occasions that the name AGEAS actually stands for Against God, Eager Acolytes of Satan.

But the rumours have always remained just that: rumours. Definitive proof that the firm is run by Devil worshippers has always remained elusive. Elusive, that is, until now!

“There might be somebody within that company that hates Christianity,” hinted the intrepid and resolute Reverend Weener Parry, undaunted by an inhuman campaign of victimisation inflicted upon her by the diabolically inclined insurer, with whom she had unwittingly insured her car before becoming aware of its true antichristian agenda.

Difficulties first arose when Rev Weener submitted photos of her car in support of a claim for stolen outer parts. On spotting that the Weenermobile was decked out with stickers saying things like “Christ 4 Me” and “Christ must be My saviour” Ageas flew into a snarling spiteful rage, demanding that she explain herself and remove the stickers, or be cast into the void.

“These modifications,” the insurer spat venomously, “do not fit our acceptance criteria for motor insurance”. Bankstone News thinks we can all probably guess what those criteria might be!

Had Ageas been aware of Rev Weener’s publicly displayed spiritual sympathies, a spokesperson insisted, she would never have been offered cover in the first place.*

To her immense credit, The Reverend Weener has no intention of removing her God-loving decals and will be seeking elsewhere for an insurer less inimical to all that is righteous and holy.

Someone has to take a stand against these demonic insurance providers.

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“Back whence you crawled from, so-called Prince of Hell. Those stickers are going nowhere!”

*Although, Bankstone News would have thought her title should have given them an inkling.


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