The A-Z of a great day out

As everyone should know by now, Insurance Endurance is the UK’s leading self-drive kart track experience for those with a passion for all things motor insurance.

If you don’t know that already, then you J-well should (you can educate yourself by reading about it here or here or here).

In the meantime, we thought we’d have a go at encapsulating the enduring appeal of this most gruelling and time-consuming of motor-sports-themed competitive corporate entertainment and networking get-togethers. So, ahem, here we go:


I is for Insurance, motor Insurance in fact, but there’s no M in Insurance Endurance

N is for Nothing that immediately springs to mind

S is for Sexy which is how everyone will look in those snug-fitting all-in-one karting overalls

U is for Unisex (see sexy all-in-ones above)

R is for Really fast which is the speed at which those super-speedy new karts go

A is for A great day out, which is what you’re sure to have at Insurance Endurance

N is for No, I still can’t think of anything

C is for Catering, which will definitely be better than last year’s!

E is for Eating, which you can now safely do with C above


E is for Ever fancied yourself as a Formula 1 driver?

N is for Nothing. I still have Nothing

D is for Day, a great one of which you’re sure to have at Insurance Endurance 2018

U is for U – because it just wouldn’t be the same without U there!

R is for Rain which will certainly not be stopping play at this event!

A is for Anyone who is Anyone, who’s sure to be at Insurance Endurance

N is for Now this is getting ridiculous – could you please stop asking about N

C is for Catastrophe, which is what it would be if you were to miss this event

E is for the End, which this is of the list above, mercifully.


So that’s the nation’s number-one naughty but nice competitive karting experience in one neat little nutshell!

Now you know all that – don’t dilly-dally get clicking/keying and book your team places today!

Trust me, I’m an insurer!

Who said ‘My word is my bond’? No, it wasn’t Roger Moore. Well, alright, maybe he did call his autobiography that, but who else said it. Or, you know, whose catch-phrase is it?

That’s right (we know because we’ve just looked it up), it was London Stock Exchange. Except London Stock Exchange apparently said ‘Dictum me impactum’ because she’s probably really posh or something.

Basically, what it means is something like: if I tell you I’m going to do something, then you can be pretty darned sure I’ll do it, come hell, high water, or adverse environmental conditions of any other kind, for that matter.

Like London Stock Exchange, insurers have their own posh motto about how you can count on them to do what they say they’re going to do. Or at least the poshest ones who live in boxes in Lloyd of London’s do.

The insurance motto is ‘Uber immer fides’ which translates roughly as ‘Always super faithful’ and, as with that dictum thing above, this basically means you can count on us – our word is as good as a handshake which, in turn, is as good as a contract signed in blood and secured on our mothers’ lives.

The only problem is, not everyone’s convinced they really can count on their insurers. In fact, a lot of people are pretty sure they can’t.

Shocking new research unveiled by a shadowy body known only as The Syndicate (but allegedly something to do with another almost equally shadowy entity known as the ‘Protection’ Review) has found that insurers are the least trusted companies in Great UK today.

Bizarrely, people trust bankers, shops, airlines (even Ryanair), Google and websites like Go Compare the Supermeerkat more than they trust insurers.

Roughly 48% of those questioned by The Syndicate said they didn’t trust their insurers to pay a claim, while 53% said they’d rather keep their money under their mattresses than entrust it to an insurer on the off chance they might someday get some back.

The good news, is that The Syndicate is mostly only interested in life insurers and others firms involved in the so-called protection racket.

It’s entirely possible that if they’d asked people about their motor insurers, they would have got a very different response – one of total and implicit trust, in all likelihood.

But I’ll bet we had you worried for a moment there, didn’t we!

Medicals Direct purchase fuels further progress for Premier

Out-saucing specialists Capita have sold direct medicals group Medicals Direct Group to premier medical group, the Premier Medical Group.

Premiere Medicals have been at the forefront (i.e. the bit slightly in advance of what would traditionally have been considered the front) of the medical reporting and screaming market for as long as anyone can remember (i.e. since sometime in the mid 90s).

Now its acquisition of Medical Direct Group will allow Premium Medicals to move still further ahead and ultimately to achieve its strategic vision of moving further ahead even than the forefront and thus achieveing universal recognition as “the leading [leadingest?] provider of the highest-quality medical reporting and screening” services “across sectors in the UK.”

Premiers Medical Group already employs 230 people “across four offices in the UK” to which it can shortly add Medical Directs’ “Nurse network and screening and reporting resources”.

The purchase will also enable Premiere Medicals Group to get its hands on Medicals Direct Groups’ “renowned service platforms, portals and data management capabilities.” This is definitely a good thing, because it will create “a multi setting screening network” for the combined groups’ customers and help to satisfy their “evolving” demands.

Combining Premier Medical Direct and the Medicals Group will enable the combined entity to do some more investing in technology, which again should help with the whole forwardness project.

One particular advantage that an integrated PMGMDG creates is “exclusive access to WARP technology” an MoJ-compliant electronic platform that circumvents traditionally conceived obstacles to faster-than-light travel (i.e. the requirement for a virtually infinite input of kinetic energy posited by Einstein’s theory of special relativity) by warping space itself to deliver market-leading turnarounds.

A good many other exciting benefits will accrue from the Premier Medicals Group Direct Medicals Group takeover. If you’d like to know more, you can fill yourself fully in right here. Or maybe here.

And why wouldn’t you want to do that!

Down Memory Cul de Sac

In this week’s idle raking-over of the quickly cooling coals of Bankstone News’ former glories, we whisk you back to September 2015. Who couldn’t forget the time when we reported the busting of a major car crime gang whilst heavily under the linguistic influence of Anthony Burgess’ semenal opus A Chocolate Orange! Well, just for the Hull of it, and to save us writing something new, here it is again… 

Working hand in rooker with specialist millicent squad NCA (National Crime Agency), fraud bankrotzers APU are all boasty this week about how they struck a bolshy great tolchock against an internazzy auto crasting shaika that was nabbing UK 4x4s and karrabling them off to Far Ugandaland, O My Brothers.

These oomny chellovecks were hoovering up a horrorshow stack of deng, crasting dorogoy off-da-rocker vehicles, autos of the clefless kind, you pony, My Droogies, and then dooking them off, via Oman and Mombasa, to Ugandaland capital Kampalaville.

Sans doubt, you’re all agog, with glazzes wide and ookos pricked, to slooshy how this artful banda got loveted – and quite a zammechat raskazz it is too, My Droogs. So now, bez further fillying about, your humble narrator shall tell thee all there is to tell of it.

Unbenazzed to those fine young auto crasting vecks, the lewdies at APU came up with a horrorshow oomny malenky veshch (what they call a pravnuk pokoleeny (4G) trackster) that gets skrivatted somewhere inside your auto, there to send out digilectro signals that let APU viddy where your auto ittys if and when some grazzy malchick skvats it.

This oomny malenky ustrozva let APU smot a dorogoy top-of-the-kallexa Lexus getting crasted in dear old Londograd and then get vistied, in lovely malenky containys, all the way – via the afore-skazatted mestos – as far as distant Kampalaville in darkest Nayugaland, there to join 28 other roskosh autos in some merzky moodge’s compound.

When a gromny great horde of Nayugaland millicents came a-clopping at their door, pooshkas at the ready, those internazzy crasters caught on horrorshow skorry that they weren’t so oomny as they’d messelled.

A whole bolshy oozy of auto crasters, from UKapital to Kampaville, have now been skvatted by the rozzes, had their pretty polly repurloined, and off will itty for a yudny malenky spell in staja. All in all, a horrorshow example of teckovecks and millicents rabbiting in perfect harmonia.“Working with the police and security services in Kenya and Uganda,” utterstated NCA veck Paul Stainfill, “we have been able to dismantle an international criminal network that has been responsible for stealing high-value cars from the UK and exporting them to East Africa.” Old Stainfill govoreeted on all gloopy about how the millys couldn’t have done it without APU and “its unique technology” and its “innovative method of locating the asset.”

His actual slovos those are indeed, My Droogy Brothers, and not a slovo of a losh.

Any veck that cares not to vereet me can kiss my potny sharries.

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