September 25, 2009

Want to know what really winds us up here at Bankstone News’ London regional office? Do you? No? Shame that; we’re gonna tell you anyway.

Press releases, that’s only what! Maundering, mealy-mouthed, made-up bloomin’ press releases that chunter on endlessly about some or other so-called survey they’ve just conjured up out of thin air.

You know the deal: 58.3% of estate car owners in the North East quite fancy a cup of tea/Angelina Jolie/making motor insurance claims online, delete as applicable. Does our bleedin’ head in.

So imagine just how jolly-well-chuffed we were to come across the latest statistically-supported outburst from some unholy combination of RAC and Aviva (RACiva?) who want to tell us about “the UK’s most annoying driving habits.” Annoying? Don’t talk to Bankstone News’ London office about annoying!

So what manner of percentilised insights, precisely, are on offer here, you almost certainly do not insist on knowing. Well… did you know, for example, that 72% of motorists get all steamed up when people get too close to their rear ends, or that 68% are fuming over people driving “on the phone?”

More shocking still, exactly the same percentage (68%) get cut up about being cut up by other motorists? How absolutely (expletive deleted) fascinating, and at the same time how compellingly authoritative!

Hang on though! There’s more: 65% find that other drivers failing to indicate adheres in an unwelcome fashion to their fleshy frontal-upper-torso parts.

Exactly 48% find people not saying thank you when given-way-to gets their goat. Whether the other 52% get the requisite thanks or simply don’t give way, we’ll never know. Or, quite frankly, care. What a fatuous superfulgence of specious statistical fabrication!

RACiva’s aim in bringing (making) all this up is to promote something they’re optimistically calling Road Respect Day. Sorry, but in Bankstone News’ book respect is not a right. Respect, mate, has to be earned!

RACY spokesman Adrian Tink (obviously a made-up name), a man whose job title we’re then expected to believe is “motoring strategist,” warns us to watch out for RAC Road Respect vans which will be touring the land annoying/distracting the hell out of drivers with “courteous messages on high-definition LCD screens.”

Claiming that one in three drivers gets seriously hacked off at least three times a week, RACiva further alleges that London, “notorious for its heavy traffic,” is the region where drivers show the least respect. Oh really? Perhaps they’d care to bring one of their nice little vans down the Old Kent Road and voice that opinion. Muppets!



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