July 14, 2011

Apparently satellite navigation systems may not actually be all that great, whereas atlases are really pretty super, Alcoholics Anonymous has announced.

Following exhaustive research among people who drive cars and so on, AA supremo King Edmund revealed exclusively to various papers this week that flawed directions from satnavs are a major worry because: “Many younger drivers are losing the skill to navigate on their own.”

Members of “the PlayStation generation, raised on computer games such as the X-Box” [or the Sony PlayStation, perhaps?] “and gadgets like the iPod and iPad have become too reliant on technology telling them what to do,” worries King Edmund, who clearly has an excellent grasp of gadget names.

“When they get into a car, they expect to be told where to go,” he notes solemnly, affording you, Dear Reader, an opportunity to supply an appropriately humorous punchline of your choosing.

OK, many of them have got satnavs – but what if they lead these clueless youngsters astray? Why, then they’re stuffed, basically. Couldn’t find their way out of a water slide, bless their cotton socks!

Sadly, only 30 per cent of motorists aged 18-24 have atlases – so they’ll probably stay lost for ever (unless they buy a copy of the AA’s recently published all-new 2012 driver’s atlas of Britain).

Older folks fare better. “Nine out of 10 drivers over 65 carry an atlas,” and some of them may even know how to use them, far outshining their younger couterparts in the AA’s “hi-tech tests.” Only problem is: “three-quarters admitted theirs were out of date.” So they could still end up getting lost (unless they buy a copy of the AA’s recently published all-new 2012 driver’s atlas of Britain).

Atlases are great, argues King Edmund: they show you the bigger picture – something that would certainly have helped the Swedish Couple (don’t worry the remainder of this sentence is perfectly decent) who, according to Daily Mail’s doyenne of old b*llocks Jam Moir, ended up 400 miles off course in industrial northern Italy because they keyed in Carpi instead of Capri.

If only they had bought a copy of the AA’s recently published all-new 2012 driver’s atlas of Britain and gone on holiday here instead.


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