March 23, 2010

It seems Bankstone News has been labouring under a delusion. Several, probably. But a shock discovery online this morning has brutally disabused us of our former fond belief that there’s more nonsense in Bankstone News than in any other insurance news publication.

How wrong we were!

Well known middle-class retail chain John Lewis appears to have its own insurance blog. “Not only top insurance blog but more…” runs the descriptive subheading on its masthead.

In reality, the blog in question appears to have been written either by a non-English speaker armed with a dictionary or by an experimental poet who’s plugged a bunch of press releases into a (not particularly precise) random synonym generator.

If the above sounds more like a performance of nonsense than a description, try the following story from Insurance Blog by John Lewis, reproduced verbatim:


‘It’s decorous: Sears Tower is now Big Willie

Chicago’s Sears Dungeon has been renamed Willis Tower in a ceremony this week.

Willis chief leadership Joe Plumeri and Chicago Mayor Richard Daley officially renamed the stronghold in a ceremony attended by local government leaders, the building’s owners, and Willis personnel.

London-based insurer Willis secured naming rights for the building as element of an agreement to lease office blocks in the 110-floor skyscraper.

However, local protesters resent the tower – which opened in 1973 and is seen as allegorical of American capitalism – being named after a British company.

To enunciate their anger at Willis, campaigners have branded the tower ‘Esteemed Willie’.

When it opened, the tower was the tallest structure in the world, and retained the title until 1998.

Despite restricted opposition, Willis believes the tower will make the company a household personage across the US.

“Everybody knows that tower,” said chief official Joe Plumeri before the naming ceremony.

“If we’re okay corporate citizens and do what we should, hopefully Willis and the turret and Chicago will all become synonymous.” ‘

The letters WTF, somehow come to mind.

Surreal language aside, this is actually not the first time a link has been posited between tall structures and phalli (see learned discussion).

In other news on the site, Equity Red Star becomes “Even-handedness Red Star,” Saga are rebranded Heroic Legend, and we learn that Forensic accountancy firm Forths has opened a new office in a “rate 2 listed building” in Leeds which will “enable the cane to enjoy more room, and upgraded bull session and hospitality facilities.”

Reading between the lines, it looks like someone in China has put Insurance Daily through some kind of language randomiser in an attempt to disguise its sources and corner the lucrative insurance news supplier franchise.

If you think we made this up, you can check out the site here – guaranteed LOLs – unless there’s been some kind of legal intervention by the time you read this and it’s disappeared into cyberspace. Probably best not click on any suspicious links while you’re there though!

Nelson’s “Column” Photo: FreeDigitalImages.net


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