February 9, 2015

Ducks, sheep, hikers, kids. Such are the hazards you will have to contend with when chugging and parping your way up Rosedale Chimney, one of the very steepest of a very steep set of ascents singled out for inclusion in Bankstone’s charity monkeybike adventure, Mountain Monkeys, this summer.

Those, and gradients described by expedition leader Dicksock Tightrope as “blummin’ steep”.

When we say ‘you will have to contend with’, this is no idle figure of speech. From this moment onwards, Dear Reader, you should consider yourself under a direct and personal obligation to:

a) contact the aforementioned Mr Tightrope to pledge your support and participation in the aforementioned Mountain Monkeys charity fundraising event to take place on or around some date to be confirmed later this year (possibly July),

b) ensure you have a very small motorcycle to ride (ideally a monkey bike, Gorrilla or similar – certainly nothing with anything like an adequate frame size for a person of your height, age and weight, and no adequate engines either, thank you very much!),

c) get yourself sponsored for megapence per mile by literally everyone you have ever met, plus a few more for good measure, and

d) purchase a dirt cheap yellow helmet which may not save your life in the event of mishappenstance, but will ‘go with’ the round-yorkshire cycling theme of the event, being as it will mean you are wearing (as previously specified) a yellow helmet.

You can bring e) a yellow jersey too, if you like, although it might be a tad parky up on top of moors, where you will mostly be, assuming you make it up those one in three gradients. We’ll be giving you a yellow bib to go over your leathers anyway, so perhaps don’t bother.

To see what you’re letting yourself in for, click on the image below.

That is all.

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