January 30, 2015

In the latest in the long line of completely exclusive revelations with which Bankstone News is constantly regaling you, Dear Reader, we can this week reveal the real reason why this year’s Tour de Yorkshire bicycle race will once again pass, not once but twice, through the picturesque hometown of Bankstone director Dickinson Trousseau.

It seems a top-level delegation of prominent burghers from the historic hamlet of Addlingtonham (internationally renowned as the birthplace of Sisters of Mercy bassist Craig Adamsfamily) travelled all the way to London to engineer this prestigious sports-hosting coup for the Wharfedale beauty spot.

Having overcome their initial repugnance at the filth and depravity of our nation’s so-called capital city, they bearded Mr C in his top secret Downing Street lair and told him that if he didn’t tell the tour organisers to go via Addlinghamtonbury, not once but twice, something very bad indeed would happen to him. Something… let’s not go into unpleasant details, but… something involving a great length of roughly-sewn bunting.

While they were there, the leading Addlingtonians presented Mr Cameron with a vividly realised artists’ impression of how downtown Addingtonham would look chock-full of blokes on bikes (courtesy of local artist Rachel Ribbly) and an equally vivid sotto voce word picture of what happened to the last fellow who got the bunting treatment.

The rest, as they say, is history.

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