Unless you fancy a dose of food poisoning, a nasty skin infection, or paroxysms of hideous vomiting, probably best stay out of your car.

“People would be horrified at the thought of eating off a lavatory seat,” claims Aston University bacteria man Dr Anthony Hilton in the Daily Mail, but eating off a dirty car dashboard can present “the same health hazards.”

Bacteria, he warns, can thrive on even tiny crumbs, and now the weather’s getting warmer they are thriving like never before. “Also,” he cautions, “if you have animals in your car they can contribute to the presence of harmful micro-organisms.”

A study by footwell-mat and air-freshener retailers Halfords has shown that motorists should expect to be assailed by ‘a barrage of germs like’ Bacillus cereus (the evil cousin of Baccillus not too bad) and Staphylococcus each time they enter their car.

Tests on a ‘random car’ used by a family of four found such bacteria on the steering wheel, gearstick, door handles and under seats. These sinister creatures lie dormant until ideal conditions arise and then strike without warning, causing vomiting, diarrhea, and so-called sudden dirty car death syndrome (SDCDS).

A survey by Halfords found that half of those questioned cleaned the inside of their car less than once a month, half admitted to spilling food or drink, and – shockingly – a third said they’d “had animals in their cars.”

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