June 8, 2012

Where would a person logically go if they left the Bright Side? Why, the Dark Side, of course.* Such is the Faustian fate of former Brightside coo Simon Pearce, who appears to have been lured from the path of righteousness by tempting talk of unimaginable power and wealth over at Giles Insurance Group.

Superficially Giles may not look much like an evil empire; but stare a little deeper into its inky soul – if you dare – and you will see something altogether more unsettling. Yes, indeed, it’s former RSA bloke Brendan McManus now enthroned, Lou-Cipher-like, at the ice-cold heart of Giles, mouthing sinister phrases like: “I am delighted that Simon has agreed to join the senior management team.”

According to Insurance Times, the Big Mac went on to say that Pearce’s appointment “is a further example of the hig calibre of people that want to work at Giles.” Bankstone News is not sure about this word hig, but we think it may be a covert acronymic reference to the Hermetic Initiates of Gaaah, the Satanic brotherhood so memorably depicted in Dennis Wheatley sequel The Devil Rides Back In Again.

Pearce himself is reported to be virtually gibbering with excitement at the prospect of all the wordly pleasures and power dangled before his eyes: “I am massively excited to be joining Giles at this important time,” he enthused wildly, “and I am very much looking forward to contributing to the success of the group.”

The “important time” referred to in his quote is presumably the run-up to the coming of the Anti-Messiah predicted for January 13, 2013. The true nature of the “success” aimed at by the members of “the group” is thought to be something so blood-curdlingly vile that Bankstone News fears the merest hint here might deprive our readers of a even moment’s sound repose twixt now and the dreadful moment of its realisation.

Some things, as they say, are best left unsaid.**

* Enough of your quibbling cavils, you pustulant pedants: Dim Side wouldn’t have made much of a story.

** G. Ratner’s famous remark about carp would be a good example.


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