May 14, 2014

Shocking new findings have emerged this week that suggest company car drivers take less care of their vehicles than owner drivers and exhibit an elevated propensity to drive them into things like other vehicles, stationary objects etc.

The solution, according to the Drive ’n’ Survive subsidiary of pet-foods-to-driving-tips conglomerate IAMs, who carried out the research that led to this astonishing revelation, is to encourage company drivers to take pride in their motorised means of transportation.

Hence the newly announced launch of an exciting new initiative branded #IAMproud. This catchy new hashtag-based campaign gives decent ordinary company car drivers (#CoCa s) a chance to stand up and say “I love this old heap like it was my own child! I will not wilfully reverse it into bollards and suchlike at every opportunity.”

The campaign has already attracted an enthusiastic response, with @Mizz__Chrissy tweeting #IAM African and #IAMproud” and @ayananarosado tweeting “Been on this water diet for 2 days #IAMproud” and @GradeAJay pitching in with “#IAMproud I should drink tonight!” Mulatto aka @LogicvalDans even brings a religious dimension to the proceedings with the powerful observation that “I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes #IAMproud”.

But just how delinquent are those #CoCa drivers? Well, the IAMs Drival Survival survey indicates that making employees drive their own vehicles for work could cut accident rates by around a quarter. #CoCa s also give barely a fig for driving fuel-efficiently, whereas own-car drivers are notably more frugal. As IAMS DS geezer Simon Vest puts it: “Not owning the vehicle reduces the driver’s desire to use it in the safest and most fuel-efficient manner, as well as distancing them from the responsibility of checking their vehicle is road worthy.”

So in the unlikely event that the #IAMproud campaign doesn’t transform #CoCa driving habits, perhaps the time has finally come to sack anyone who won’t use a car, van or lorry they own themselves – or purchase from their employer in instalments.

pride-unicorn


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