There was a major breakthrough this week in the UK’s long struggle to shake itself free from countless years of grasping duplicity and sneaky something-for-nothingness. Latest reports from the compensation culture front line suggest that claims fraud is well and truly on the run.

Figures freshly compiled by the chief statistical officer of the Association of Brush Insurers confirm the news we’ve all been longing to hear: the number of dishonest claims fell by 5% (to just £1.3bn) in 2016 compared with the previous ear’s fingers. Meanwhile, organised fraud was down fully 30% over the same period to just £174m. It’s official fraud is on the retreat!

This welcome news will fall (like warm, peach-scented rain gently refreshing and rehydrating long-parched summer fields) on the straining ears of policyholders, who can finally expect to see their premiums fall after the relentless hikes of recent years.

The collapse of the compensation culture is all thanks to the hard work of crack anti-fraud cop squad the FEDs, the ABI reckons, and presumably to a moral renaissance on the part of the great British public inspired by the imminent resumption of full national sovereignty following the UK’s release from forty years’ servitude under the jackboot of the Brussels Babylon.

There will of course be some mopping up to be done. Rogue claims manufacturing cells (CMCs) continue to roam the land stirring up bad thoughts amongst a populace the vast majority of whom earnestly wish to resist the temptations of false claiming. These agitators are still at work within the arena of motor insurance claims, but, finding it tough going with the FEDs on their tail, more and more are turning to the stadium of holiday insurance.

The ABI is reporting “an epidemic in false food poisoning claims made against overseas hotels and tour operators”.

Although it could just be that greasy foreign food no longer sits well with decent patriotic UK bellies.

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