April 1, 2009

A new online motor insurer claims it can save motorists up to 50% on their premiums‚ by casting their horoscopes! Starcarsdirect.com’s unique online application process involves specifying your precise time and place of birth and warns that birth certificates may be required to support any claims made.

Starcarsdirect founder Peter North says the firm’s own research has shown that drivers with the right astrological profile are “up to 80% less likely to make claims than the general population” and “should be given due credit for their reduced risk profile.”

“I know it sounds a bit “new age,” North concedes, “but we have been over and over this, and the statistics really do check out. It’s nothing as simple as Gemini people being better risks than Pisces. It’s down to the exact hour of your birth and what was going on in the heavens at the time.”

North’s fellow director Ron Jeremy adds: “Obviously we can’t promise everyone who visits Starcarsdirect.com will be offered a lower premium. But we believe we can offer a significantly better deal to around a third of drivers. The flip side of the predictive coin, of course, is that people with an inauspicious astrological profile look like very unattractive risks.”

Tom Byron of popular fortune-telling magazine New Astrology comments: “People have known for many centuries that you can predict a great deal about a person from their natal chart. Frankly, I am only surprised it’s taken this long for insurance companies to make practical use of this ancient knowledge.”

An obvious concern however, if Starcarsdirect’s model holds up in practice, is that astrological prediction could make a whole section of UK driving population effectively uninsurable.


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