September 22, 2014

Bankstone News was literally weeping hot wet tears of joy and relief last week as news came through that Scotchland has decided, well and truly, for this generation and all others, with no possible room or excuse for reconsideration, ever, to remain within the warm embracing bosomy thing that is the United Kingdom of England, Scotchland and those other places.

If that wicked scheming Al Salmon had got his nasty shouty self-aggrandising way and lured away a nation that has proudly fought, died, colonially administered, and come up with influential economic theories for the UK proper all these years, with his cynical promises of social justice, political maturity and oil money, it would quite literally have broken our hearts (sniff), made life a bit complicated (sigh), and, quite frankly, (grrr) left us considerably worse off.

Nor is Bankstone News alone in applauding the correct decision made by all right-minded Scotch people last week. George Stub of Perth-based GAS Group told leading monthly news magazine Insurance Ape that he was glad to see the back of all this needless uncertainty and looking forward to getting back to making money. “We can now get down to business” he chuckled merrily (probably).

Edward The Bruce of Edinburg-based Bruce Stevieson echoed these sentiments, declaring that after the “uncertainty we have been living with over the past few years,” it’s good to be able to get back to “business as usual”. But he warned about rewarding Scotlanders for their treacherous temerity: “If there’s too much power perceived to be given to Scotland there will be a backlash. There will be a reaction in the rest of the UK.”

Meanwhile Mark Yeti of Tup Mark Adjusters in Glasgow added to the chorus of approval for the Scotch climbdown, saying “Now there is no uncertainty and it will strengthen the UK economy” and “make Great Britain even greater”.

Down south in the nation’s capital, Steve Wipe of fashion chain BIBA introduced a new theme, observing that “Brokers like certainty, so now it continues to be business as usual.”

So, well done Scotchland! True Brits south of the border salute you man, woman and 16 and 17 year old.

Now get back to work and don’t ever give us a scare like that again.

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