October 22, 2010

We all know insurance marketing people talk a lot of guff. They’re effusive with the flatus in all kinds of contexts. But they sound off most stentoriously in appointment press releases.

For example, paradoxically-named broker Hastings Direct has a new head of marketing services, Michael Lynch, whose ‘strengths in strategic thinking and planning’ they say ‘will be an intrinsic asset in our continued development and growth.’ Nice sounding word, intrinsic. Don’t suppose it really matters what it means.

What sort of a man is this Lynch then? Is he an outstanding communicator with a first class degree? Very close! According to his new boss Mat “German” Shepherd, “He is an outstanding communicator with a first class pedigree.” Bred from a long and noble line of outstanding communicators, no doubt, with a good strong teeth and a lovely glossy coat.

A favourite guff phrase is ‘further enhance,’ as in this quote from Hiscox: “Tony Rai and Joanne Musselle have both made great strides in developing our claims operations since joining Hiscox and I am confident that these new roles will further enhance both our London market and UK retail claims service to brokers and insureds alike.” Always good to see a nice balanced sentence with both both and alike in it – provides a reassuring sense of all bases being covered.

‘Further enhance’ attempts to suggest that something that was pretty much perfect already has miraculously just got even better. As in this comment from ACE on appointing some new marine underwriters: “The team provides a range of skills and expertise that will further enhance our service and the delivery of first class underwriting to our clients” or this from HSB Engineering Insurance Services “We are delighted to welcome Bryony, whose established capabilities and experience will further enhance our development team.”

Roll up, roll up, Ladies and Gentlemen. Step forward and wonder at the amazing Experienced Bryony and her established capabilities!

Or what about this nonsense from outsourced claims specialists Bankstone: “We are confident Davy-Jane McMandible will play an intrinsic role in our ongoing strides to further enhance our already unimpeachable performance across a full and complete range of customer surprise-and-delight outcome delivery solutions. Davy-Jane is a well rounded insurance claims professional (almost to the point of sphericality) with a long and illustrious pedigree and a first class degree in Astrophysics from the Women’s Institute of Muswellbrook NSW.”


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