January 6, 2017

Produced in their billions by tiny children working day and night with junior pick-hammers in so-called young offenders units across the rockier and more remote parts of the UK, ‘chippings’ have been revealed as the leading cause of ‘unexpected damage’ to vehicle windscreens.

According to groundbreaking new research carried out by windscreen repair people Autoglans, chippings and chipping-like road surface debris caused a whooping 29% (that’s almost 30%) of windscreen damage in the UK sometime recently.

Perhaps surprisingly (although not necessarily surprisingly), that makes them an even bigger threat than the “general mishaps” that account for 25% of unexpected windscreen damage incidents nationally. That’s roughly a quarter or one in four, if you prefer.

Another leading cause of unexpected damage to glazed panels on motor vehicles in the UK, Autoglans’s research reveals, is “mysterious cracks” which appear “without warning” (16%).

Although, Autoglans MD Taxiantichrist Konstantinopopoulopasissolopolous reckons many such “mysterious cracks” are actually caused by idiots pouring boiling water out of electric kettles on to their windscreens on frosty mornings.

Although less frequent (at just 15%) than chipping impacts, general mishaps and mysterious cracks, by far the UK best loved source of unexpected windscreen damage is of course animals, not least because, as every one knows, animals are just inherently funny – especially when colliding with motor vehicles!

Although up against a highly competitive field including “a dare-devil bee, a flying fish and a squirrel holding a hazel nut that landed nut first”, a hippopotamus ultimately clinched top honours in Autoglans’s quest for Britain’s “wackiest” animal-glass impact by landing on somebody’s windscreen.

Compared with these crazy critters, human vandals contributed a measly 5% of unexpected motor glass damage. Which, as Bankstone News feels sure you will agree, is all very fascinating. Although it would be interesting to know a bit more about ‘expected’ vehicle glass damage.

Maybe next time.

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