July 15, 2016

You know what really p*sses Bankstone News off? Idiots on pushbikes, that’s what. Not being funny, but wouldn’t the world be a better place without them? Obviously not that Chris Vroom bloke, who sometimes uses a bike on that Tour de France thing, or Chris Boorman who makes the bikes for Halfords, or whoever that one with the sideburns is. But frankly all the others: would anyone seriously miss them!

Bankstone News certainly wouldn’t. Cluttering up the road with their nasty little lycra arses, two or three abreast, bobbing up and down, squirming sweatily from side to side as they pant and heave their snails-pace way up Rosedale Chimney. Get out of our right-thinking way, you ponce-faced petrol dodgers! That’s what Bankstone News thinks. And it seems we’re not alone.

According to a survey of literally thousands of people commissioned by Alcoholics Anonymous, slow-moving groups of cyclists (as if there were any other kind!) are the second most annoying thing on Britain’s summer roads. Weirdly, a lot of folk (more than one in four of them) seem to have their knickers in a twist about people chucking litter out of their windows while out motoring.

But what else are you going to do with your Happy Burger wrappers, cups and straws, fag packs, used nodders etc? It’s not like cars have bins in them! And, frankly, it’s all biodegradable in the end. Sooner or later.

So, yeah, can’t really see that one. What else? The Oasis backlash seems to be continuing, with dodgy parkas coming in at Number 3 in the AA’s pet hates for summer list. There’s caravans, dawdlers, tourists – that sort of thing – see list below. And apparently some people find half-naked drivers a “turn off”. Depends who’s driving, we say here at Bankstone News, if you know what we mean!

1.      Litter louts

2.      Groups of cyclists

3.      Dodgy parkers

4.      Slow caravans

5.      Ghetto blasters

6.      Dawdling drivers

7.      Sightseers

8.      Tractor Boys [People from Norfolk?]

9.      Overloaded cars

10.     Motorcyclists

Commenting on this ridiculous and pointless list he’s just paid some research firm shedloads of money to concoct for him, AA president Edmond Kingobe comes on all po-faced and nannyish, insisting drivers need to “bag it and bin it at home” and “be more patient in the summer on the roads – because anything can happen.”

That’s the sort of b*ll*cks you’d expect from Ellie “I like to put on a little girly voice and yodel while I flash my knick-knacks” Goulding.

Eddie K should know better!

ddbijgh


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