May 9, 2016

What on earth is going on with Bankstone News lately? That’s the question no one in particular has been asking with ever increasing urgency on our non-existent reader query hotline lately.

Glad you asked. Allow us to explain…

It’s probably a good thing you did ask, in fact, because otherwise we might never have had the opportunity to explain the deliberate and subtle strategy underpinning the apparently (and we do stress apparently) random and haphazard timing of recent editions.

The fact that we are going to press on Tuesday this week (instead of on Friday last week) is entirely unconnected with scurrilous allegations being made by certain unworthy individuals to the effect that Bankstone News is exclusively staffed by good for nothing layabouts who waste entire days (weeks even, sometimes) in the seedy surrounding of infamous Brighouse ale house The Badger Baiters Arms, thereby all too frequently rendering themselves both physically and mentally incapable of writing their way out of a thing out of which (with due apologies for Curtis, Elton et al.) it ought to be risibly easy to write oneself.

Certainly not.

It’s all part of a deeply humane and enlightened plan aimed at spreading our publication dates out a bit so as to spare you the torment of going too long without one when we take a planned break next week (or is it this week?) when Bankstone MD Dickstone Tickstone will be off taking a short break in Zembla or Costaguana or somewhere and hence not around to notice us skipping an issue.

So, no indeed, indolence and fecklessness have nothing whatsoever to do with our seemingly eccentric publication schedules.

Plus: it could never have been a good idea to publish an edition on Friday 13th.

Just to clarify: following today’s edition, there will be no further outbreaks of Bankstone News until we return on Friday the 20th with the sensational debut contribution of our new motoring correspondent and one of the most thrilling and enthralling insurance news exposés you’re ever likely to read.

Or maybe just more of the usual old nonsense.

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